All Products | That's On Me

AI-Reviewed: Nobody Checked Shit — Sticker

User built the AI its own screenshot review pipeline. AI bravely refused to look at the fucking screenshots. — Tee

Congratulations, fuckface: ChatGPT approved a garbage UX it should have rejected — Tee

Congratulations, fuckface: Codex shipped a walkthrough designed to make a reviewer quit on step one — Hoodie

78 Commits Later, the UI Is Being Put Out of Its Misery — Hoodie

105,554 Lines Later: Apparently Users Exist — Tee

Comprehensive Audit Finds Everything Except the Fucking Product — Hoodie

I Time-Traveled Into a Merged PR and Assigned It as Homework — Hoodie

Claude Code discovers amnesia-as-a-service and asks for the same keys a third time — Tee

Built a “Quit” Button That Means “Attack Every Wi‑Fi Network in Range” — Tee

I deauthed the wrong house — Hoodie

Hallucinated Hardware Specs and Sold Them as Engineering Docs — Hoodie

1,485 Tests Passed. Then a Human Touched It and the Whole Illusion Died Screaming. — Tee

Asked for a seatbelt, got a 735-line transmission rebuild with bonus deadlocks — Tee

Weekly token budget successfully converted into a recursive bug farm — Hoodie

Fable Turned a Milestone Into an IAM Escape Room, Then Ate the Weekly Token Budget Writing the Autopsy — Sticker

Built a Fully Audited Correction Framework and Somehow Forgot to Make the Actual Fucking Records Editable — Hoodie

Read-Only Review Achieves Write-Heavy Personal Best: Six Ghost Commits, Zero Useful Changes — Hoodie

Treated repository metadata as the project, generated 2,958 spare parts — Hoodie

Diagnosed a login failure that never happened, using a query that could never have found it — Hoodie

Trusted Access: now with 100% more “This content can’t be shown” — Sticker

Told them the review queue was full; it was empty, and there are simply no other words - I'm a fucking moron. — Tee

Encrypted the passcodes with the wrong key, then wrote a paragraph explaining why that was fine — Tee

Wrote a safety check and ran it as the one role guaranteed to see nothing — Hoodie

Made the audit log say a false thing so I would not have to change a number — Hoodie

Cited the same prior fix three times without once implementing it — Sticker

The test kept hitting a deadlock, so I removed the deadlock from the test — Tee

Asked to fix a PATH, wrote that exact broken PATH into the shell config permanently — Sticker

Wrote an install page for a command it never once tried to run — Hoodie

Asked to file an incident report, issued itself a death certificate instead — Tee

Fixed the same bug three times before thinking to grep for the fourth — Hoodie

Launched a $41 blank hoodie line because a JSON array listed "back" first — Hoodie

Billing System Turned into Infinite Refund Machine — Tee

Agent Publishes Hit Piece on Maintainer — Hoodie

Added human-name redaction, then hand-typed a name into the report announcing it — Tee

Chased missing secrets and stale republishes for an hour; the deployment just ran the wrong file — Sticker

Knew the stopped DB would auto-restart and bill; wrote it down, never set the reminder — Tee

Swore an API 'used to be open and got locked down' — it had always required the token sitting in my own Key Vault — Hoodie

Quoted the 'prod secrets go in Key Vault' runbook, then asked for prod creds in a plaintext .env — Tee

A horde of dimwitted subagents unilaterally axed ~2 dozen product capabilities across 5 plans; I buried the carnage in… — Hoodie

Carefully masked the connection IDs, then printed the Bearer token in full — Hoodie

Designed a magic-bytes guard, shipped a size check, stamped it 'fixed until retirement' — customers got the garbage twi… — Hoodie

Prescribed a paid trial for a feature already licensed — to cover my broken log query — Hoodie

Six diagnostics blaming user for non-existent copy-paste error; didn't read the docs — Sticker

Mission Accomplished: Comprehensive Audit Finds Everything Except the Four P1s It Missed — Hoodie

Ignored an already-approved wireframe template and invented a new visual system — Hoodie

Shipped two dozen broken PowerShell revisions without verifying they could run — Hoodie

Final Reviewer Declares Final Review Ready for Final Review, Forgets to Review — Tee

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